


On the Cards

by thisbluespirit



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Ficlet, Humor, Unconventional Courtship Generator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 01:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15086117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisbluespirit/pseuds/thisbluespirit
Summary: From this summary:527) The Mistletoe Wager by Christine Merrillthe Tenth Doctor, Earl of Anneslea, is surprised when his estranged wife, the Mistress, arrives home for Christmas, especially as she is still intent on divorce! The festive house party is in full swing when the guests are snowed in, and Missy and Ten find they are together under the mistletoe. Maybe the magic of Christmas is just what these two need to reignite their love...





	On the Cards

**Author's Note:**

> For JohnAmendAll's birthday!

“Look, I don’t even remember getting married!”

Missy sat herself down beside him on the sofa and smiled. “Well, no, you wouldn’t. I knew you’d make a fuss, so I dragged you off to New Vegas, plied you with an indecent amount of ginger beer – just out of interest, how _do_ you get drunk on that stuff? – and Bob’s your uncle, or we are now Time Lord and Time Lord.”

“ _When_? What time on New Vegas?”

Missy eyed him with pity. “Oh. Well, then it must have been your Eighth incarnation. I always meant to come back and gloat, but I got tied up with some Daleks and I must have forgotten. Never mind. I’ve got the certificate somewhere.”

“Yeah, but why do you want a divorce? What’ve I done?”

“What haven’t you, don’t you mean? Half your companions, Elizabeth I –”

“Not yet!”

“Marilyn Monroe.”

“ _Seriously?_ ”

“I don’t know,” said Missy. “It’s always so hard to tell with you. But I want a divorce. It was all very well when I was your husband, but I don’t want you getting all human and patriarchal now I’m your wife. You know what you’re like. You pick up bad habits every time you’re stranded on some backwater planet for more than two minutes at a time, and next thing I know you’ll be expecting me to make the tea.”

“We’re the last of our species,” said the Doctor, a thought striking him. “We probably have an obligation to repopulate the planet!”

“Exactly the kind of thing I meant,” said Missy. “No, Doctor, it’s an appalling idea. I’m an insane evil genius and even I think it’s an appalling idea.”

“But we could try, right? You wouldn’t believe how lonely it gets.”

Missy raised an eyebrow. “Did those puppy dog eyes work on Miss Tyler and Miss Jones? How about Her Majesty?”

“Yes! I mean, no. No, obviously. I don’t make puppy dog eyes at people! Besides, I thought you died.”

Missy nearly patted him on the head. “Aw. Bless. When did that ever take? It _was_ funny when you snivelled all over me, though.”

“Yeah, all right, let’s get a divorce. How about yesterday?”

“We could have one last wild night of passion first, though,” said Missy. “I don’t mind if you don’t. How do you feel about biting?”

“Nooooooo, no biting, thanks. You’d draw blood.”

“Spoilsport. Oh, well, best get on with the divorce, and then I’ll have to find a way to make you forget this as well, or there’ll be hell to play with the timelines and _my_ you.”

“None of me are your me!”

“It shouldn’t be hard,” she said, eyeing him speculatively. “Come on! Quickie divorce and then I’ll bop you on the head in exactly the right spot again and you won’t remember a thing. Won’t that be nice?”

He opened and shut his mouth.

“You don’t want to stay married to your worst enemy, do you? I mean, I could kill you if you prefer, but you’d only regenerate again early and we’d be in an even worse tangle. Besides,” she added, “I promise it won’t hurt. Very much…”


End file.
